Earlier this evening, Keith Burtis asked (in Twitter) if a parent should have their child’s strengths or weaknesses tutored.  I enjoyed being a part of the discussion with Keith and Eden Spodek and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

As a parent, I’d like to think I could be happy to support my daughters’ strengths and not add any further burden by forcing either of them to give up precious free time to build up any semblance of strength in weak subjects.  Frankly, there is so little time in the day to decompress and to connect as a family and much of that is already consumed by surprising amounts of homework (something I have a huge issue with).  The question is, can I practice as a parent what I preach as a blogger?

I think what needs to be done is not teach the child out of any weakness but to find ways to energize the child despite their weakness.  A great teacher or tutor is the kind of person that knows how to get a student excited and curious about any subject.  The child should be helped to find his/her own love of the topic and explore it for success.  They may never be good at it in conventional terms, but they can find their own opportunities for success within that space.

A music teacher I took lessons from a few years ago has an enthusiasm for music of all kinds (from classical to industrial heavy metal) that is infectious and inspiring.  It made me more excited and interested in learning about all kinds of music (from classical to industrial heavy metal) even though I wasn’t successful at or previously interested in some styles.  Not only that, he found ways to relate the different kinds of music to each other and showed how to apply that knowledge to a variety of styles, songs and composition techniques.  I  believe our children need that type of inspiration, enthusiasm and support in everything they do — whether it plays into their strengths or weaknesses.

We recently had an experience with a school of traditional Irish dance in the Ottawa area. The owner/teacher has a particular style that upset our daughters and other students in the class — a class made up of children ranging in age from five to twelve, and ranging in skill from rank beginners to competition winners. Despite the obvious warning signs, we went ahead with the class. When we went to bat for a young student in the class who was distraught about having to attend the class, the owner/teacher did not appreciate our concern.

We finally had enough and acted on our daughters’ wishes to withdraw them from the class. The owner/teacher stayed true to her style of deflecting our concerns, accusing us for her problems and attempting to prove how wrong we were. In addition to sharing her charming personality, she also refused any form of refund.

While some businesses and people cling to the idea, intimidation is a style that no longer works. Good relations and repeat business come from treating others (children and adults alike) with respect. If you berate people and have a “take the money and run” approach, your relationships and business opportunities will dry up and disappear.

(Sorry for the bad 80’s rock reference)